Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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