Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
