yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
