6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
