This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
