okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
