Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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