I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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