its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
