sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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