wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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