She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
