Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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