Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize