What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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