not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
