Im at strip club and am horny
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
