eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
