my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
