eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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