I wish you could order shots online.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
