Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
