Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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