on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
