Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
