I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
