Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
