Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
