I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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