I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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