Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
