I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
