At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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