I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
