party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I smell like Dick and happiness
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