Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize