Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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