so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
