I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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