he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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