i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize