Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
