the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
