Me. At least after what I've been through.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
