we're blogging at a bar
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
