he shaved USA in his pubs
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
