Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
