He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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