got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
