Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
