i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
