About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
