Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My vagina is officially offended.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
