I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
