I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Houston, we have a blender
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
