Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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