I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
