i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
