I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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