The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
