So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
