I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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