I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
