what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
