we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
this is an emotional support booty call
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
