I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
