dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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