I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
