You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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