there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
