hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
