Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
