I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
